Update

I just reread my last post. I hadn't forgotten it, but I was checking to see if it all sounded so desperate as I remembered. I felt really desperate that night, but things are better today. God has given me the grace to enjoy good company with friends over dinner, and tonight I was blessed to join church family in serving dinner to college students. (I italicized family because that's what they are!) I love people, even though it's hard to love them sometimes, even if our spirits don't connect and they're not being the way I want them to be. But God gave me the grace to just be with them. And I love them and I love experiencing the Lord's Spirit through them. Another huge aspect of my life is work, which is not so pleasurable. But I can do the work, and I'm learning how to do it better. I'm thankful for the paycheck. God says to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and He will give us all that we need. (I know that people are starving in the world, and I'm not saying that He's not taking care of them or that they aren't living right so God lets them starve.) So I will try to determine to seek Him first in each day and dedicate myself to Him and trust that He will provide all that I need... "we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body." -St. Paul in the second letter to the Corinthians, fourth chapter, verses eight through ten.

As I beg God to make tomorrow different from most all of the other weekdays of the past two and a half years, I realize that something needs to change. I've felt this way over and over for a long while, but I don't know what to do about it. Where do I go? What do I want to do? I've considered joining some missionary organization, returning to school, Starbucks... nothing really appeals to me, though. What I want is safety. I've heard that safety is an illusion, and intellectually I agree. But that's what I want. I want to be pretty and married and have more than enough money and have friends and enjoy hobbies and host parties and not feel guilty about it. "What about being a missionary?" you may ask. I don't really want to do that. I want it to be done, and I want to do God's will, but I'm struggling to put myself in the missionary place, both in my current situation and in considering my future. I know that God knows the plans He has for me, "plans to give [me] hope and a future." But how, and where? I struggle...

Resurgence

Wow! It's been so long since I posted that I was surprised at how nice my blog looks ;)

These months since September have been hard, but I'm coming through the darkness by God's grace! I lost faith, lost vision and hope, lost touch with my friends. But after doubting, seeking alternative hopes, and laying low, I'm again in a stage of searching for Ireland. I'm breathing in faith and shaping ideas. I'm ready to go back. I'm praying for specific pieces of the scenario, like partners for the ministry and characteristics for blessing others. I better add money to that list. God has blessed me with good friends, faith, prayer and (less enjoyable) discipline.

I think that one help in this resurgence has come with watching my friends plan a life of service in Honduras. (Check out the website: www.thehondurasproject.org.) They are stepping out in faith and with gusto, and God is blessing their efforts, piece by piece. I hope and pray for Him to continue blessing them as they seek to serve the poor and the rich, bridging that span and living in a way that the world needs so much. I also want to help the world, and I want to take steps to make it happen.

I can't take all of those steps as yet, so for now I'm praying and imagining and seeking guidance.

Status of Going to Live in Ireland

Co. Kerry, Republic of Ireland

If you've read earlier posts, you know that I've been hoping to work full-time with the Ranelagh Church in Dublin, Ireland. For a while, it seemed that raising enough support money was the only thing stopping me from jumping the next plane over there. When I visited Ireland a few weeks ago, the minister of the church and I had a good, long chat. He conveyed that he and other leaders in the church agree that it's unwise to ask me to come over alone, that is, without teammates with whom to cooperate. I agree with them as I have seen in my current job how lowsy it is to work solo. So, that means I will hold off on raising more support money. And, it may seem like another barrier lies between me and life in Ireland. However, I know that God provides all that His children need. Maybe He has put up a road-block on my desired path with this situation. Or maybe it isn't really a road-block at all but a way to make the ministry better, and my yet-unknown teammates are waiting in the wings. I choose to believe that God is making the whole situation good, as He always does for His children (see Romans 8:28). So I can rejoice! (Though, honestly, that's not always my first inclination.) And I'm not actively seeking money but people, who want to live and serve in Ranelagh. :) I appreciate your interest in this process.

God bless,

Jenn

What you've all been waiting for...

Hello everyone! I've seen and heard your requests, and I'm happy to oblige. Now, I'm not putting many pictures up because most of them are of people. But I hope that you enjoy these anyway. Maybe, at a later date, I'll add some of my photos from past trips, to give you a wider variety of views of the Emerald Isle. :) Enjoy!

View off the Northern Coast of Ireland, from a little village called Castlerock. It's near Coleraine, where I lived during my first year in Ireland. It's one of my favorite spots (though I have several favorite spots).

My friend Eva and I sit by the beach in Castlerock. She and I went to church together in Coleraine. She loves the beach too. (Yes, my shoes are off. It was silly, but the craic was worth the cold!)

My friends the Trainors and I spent a Sunday afternoon at Castle Espie, a World Waterfoul Trust park. It's sort-of near Belfast, more specifically, near Newtownards. They've got more varieties of ducks, geese and swans than I've ever seen. Some will eat seed and bread from your hand. But watch out for the swans - they'll nearly take your hand with the food!

In the middle, my current FAVOURITE Irish musician - Paddy Casey. On the left is my friend Gayle. We met at Camp Shamrock, and she came with me to Paddy's gig. It was fabulous! Pure fun. (I was glad to find I'm not too old for that kind of thing.) Paddy Casey is on a Sony contract, but he's not famous in Alabama...yet. If you want to sample his stuff, go to myspace.com and type in his name in the Music search. I hope I don't get in trouble for posting his photo...oh well.

So that's it from this trip. But send me any questions or comments. I lOVE talking about Auld Eire :)

I'M IN IRELAND!

Yes, I'm here and loving it! I wasn't sure what to expect after over a year away and with getting more settled in Alabama. But I'm right back where I belong. Things are fitting together nicely. I've been able to visit with lots of people, and we've had lovely chats. I'm getting more ideas about how to focus my attention and energy for the Ranelagh Church. And I'm getting more energy for my fund-raising efforts. I think that God is pleased with me wherever I am, so long as I am seeking and serving Him. And I think that I can really let myself fall into His service here in Ireland. It's true that this trip feels less like a holiday and more like normal, routine life. But it's life that makes my heart sing. I never feel this way in Alabama. If I'm thinking of all this wrongly, then may God bless me with wisdom and roadblocks. I know He will: "A man plans the way he should go, but the Lord determines his steps."

July 1 Update

Over the past few months, I have not progressed as much as I would have liked towards moving to Ireland. An acquaintance who lives in Texas has e-mailed me regularly as she tries to learn more about me and the mission, hopefully to begin spreading word among her contacts about this possibility. I still receive about $10 each month. Disciples Fellowship and I agreed that they will serve as my base church, i.e., I have a bank account under their name so they can oversee collection and distribution of my support, also I will report to them as I minister in Dublin and visit them when on furlough. Also, I printed ten copies (nice copies) of my Mission Packet, and I intend to mail or carry them personally to churches as I seek their support. Yes, I’m disappointed with the way things have gone over the past few months, but I still have hope.
As I’ve grown tired of my own behavior in this effort to go to Ireland, I have considered taking steps in a more responsible direction. My most exciting idea so far is to plan to visit Ireland. I’m thinking about going there in September, but I don’t know if I will have enough vacation time to go then. Please pray about this particular situation as I need to soon decide whether or not to buy a plane ticket. Another idea for strengthening my efforts is regularly reporting on the status of the mission, as I have done in this message. I think the most important strategy I can have is to keep spreading word of this opportunity through friends, e-mail, this blog, Facebook, visiting churches, etc. On second thought, my ultimately most important strategy is praying for God to bless you, me and everyone involved in this effort. He moves in mysterious and wonderful ways!!!

P.S. I took this picture in Port Stewart, Co. (London)derry, Northern Ireland.